Insomniac Thoughts: First marathon, Sleep, and Other Random Ramblings.

I have no real purpose behind this entry.... Other than it's 5:30 in the morning and I've been up for two hours and I can't think of anything else to do right now!  Might as well post an update.   Don't mind my rambling as I only got about three hours of sleep last night (this morning? I don't think I fell asleep til after midnight anyway...) :)

First thing to mention is my running, as it is what is most upsetting to me at the moment.

First, before I go into injury detail, if all else fails, this next marathon will not be my first, and I started training early, so I have no doubts I can finish it.  And it's for charity, so dang it, I'm going to finish it!   Plus, what circumstances can be worse than my last marathon?  I mean, I was deployed in Afghanistan, was injured to the point of no running for two weeks prior to the race (I was hurting worse at the start of that race than I am now and the marathon isn't until November), it started at three a.m. and I had woken up at nine p.m. after trying to sleep at five p.m., so I was going on just four hours of sleep... My pre-race meal was SPICY RAMEN NOODLES for breakfast at like midnight (mmm, Shin cups that I ordered on Amazon.com!)  And then I had to stretch every half a mile for the last six miles because my IT Band was hurting.  Oh, and let's not forget that I was carrying my ballistic eye protection with me just in case we had any type of indirect fire during the race (it started in the dark, so I didn't want to wear my sunglasses until the sun came up).  There was also a plan to in place where the clock would stop until we got the all clear if we did get indirect fire... Some people think doing a marathon while deployed is pretty stupid. Yeah, maybe it was, but I think it was actually pretty hardcore - especially for a first marathon!

Now to get into the fun details (you can skip this if you don't feel like reading about my ever-present injuries).  I am currently taking a short hiatus.  By short I mean around a week... Maybe less, depending on how things are feeling. Maybe more if things aren't improving much. My last run was Thursday, and my last bike ride was on Friday.  I can deal with one injury, even two, but when three areas are feeling weird, I think it's time to give myself a recovery period.  I have my left knee, my right foot and now my left hip (though I think the hip/knee are related as the knee pain is all IT band related, and the hip pain seems to be in a similar area).  I figure I should be okay and not lose much fitness that I can't regain quickly if I give myself a break now instead of waiting until it gets REALLY bad.  Last year and the beginning of this year I had a couple of forced breaks and they didn't hurt my fitness at all.  Wisdom teeth removed last year, and then after two weeks off I was able to go do 14 miles the first weekend back and then a very hilly half marathon a week later without any issues.  I also had a crown lengthening surgery earlier this year (or was it late last year - dang my time is all messed up!) and I was up and running again quickly.  Actually, I felt better after both breaks, so I am trying very hard to be optimistic.  I also realized that I was able to maintain a relatively uninjured state during these periods where I had forced breaks... Maybe it's not such a bad idea to take a week or so just completely OFF in the midst of training?  You really don't lose fitness in a week.  The problem is when you have to decrease miles for a long period of time due to injury and THEN end up taking a bunch of time off because you get fed up (this seemed to be where I was heading after last week of very little running and very little improvement, hence why I'm resting now).  Of course it's tricky because sometimes too much rest tends to make things worse... *sigh*  Maybe this is why I am not sleeping well.  Not enough exercise!  Actually, this isn't true, as I wasn't sleeping well before either.

So this brings me to my next topic of sleep.  Ah, sleep.  Ever so elusive, unless it's the middle of the day.  This is quite frustrating for me because prior to everything that has happened in the past few months, I was a morning person (pending coffee, of course).  I PREFER to spend my waking hours in the day light, where I am being productive, and running, and riding my bike, and of course drinking coffee (though I've cut way back on that).  Unfortunately, my body has said "no!"  I can't figure it out.  I am only thinking it may be my medications... What I really want to do is just flush all of them down the toilet and feel normal again.  One causes bad moods/depression, so I get pills for that, and another causes insomnia, so I get another for sleep, which causes dry mouth and headaches, so I get another for headaches... It's like an endless cycle.  I'll admit, I'm not taking all of them all the time... It's too much.  I'm taking the ones I NEED (the ones that will stop my seizures), but not so much the ones I don't need.  I haven't much wanted to take the one I got for sleep as it doesn't seem to be working that great anyways until after midnight, and then I just want to sleep all day the next day.  And the vicious cycle continues!  I know this is very normal for some people, but anyone who knows me well knows that I am not the type to sleep all day!  I am usually in bed by ten, haha.  I'm the type who will be awake by seven on weekends... Yeah, no longer.  Last night I decided to forego the sleep meds because I didn't want to sleep all day today, and I felt sleepy... could not fall asleep and woke up several times.  I finally looked at my phone at four a.m. (I had been awake awhile at this point), said I would give myself til five to try to fall back asleep for another hour or so, and that failed.  So here I am!

 I really need to get on a regular schedule again and have a job position.  I think that will help.  I can't wait to start my Master's program... I need a sense of purpose.  I've actually been reading the Feminine Mystique (yay for feminist books!)  I'll save my deep insights on that for another post because I could go on forever, but to say the least I've gotten from it that without a real sense of purpose, life just kind of sucks (in laymen's terminology).  I also have an interview with the DCA (I don't know what that stands for, but I'm guessing something like Director of Clinical Administration???) today to start interning at the clinic on post, seeing as my Masters will be in Health Administration.  This is assuming I get A's in my first two courses.  Yeah, I discovered that despite my acceptance into the program, it was conditional, I have to get A's on my first two classes.  I guess it makes sense as the minimum GPA was a 3.0 and I didn't have a 3.0... I was closer to a 2.9.  And I really have no health care experience (another thing they were looking at) besides some time as the assistant S-1 as cadre for cadet basic training, and some administrative experience in the military... I am a little nervous.    Though I don't really doubt I can get A's.  Before West Point, A's were pretty easy for me in the other college classes I was taking.  Heck, even AT West Point when I wasn't taking 20 something credit hours, I did decent (Dean's list last two semesters, woohoo!)  I am only concerned with my ever-worsening memory.  Fortunately the program is more centered on projects and papers.  I am good at those.  Mostly because they don't require me to memorize terms.  And at the moment, what else do I have to focus on?  It will give me something to do besides research everything on the internet and write long blog posts that were supposed to be short...

Alas, it's now 6:25 a.m., and I am sitting here in my ACU pants and boots (Army Combat Uniform, for those of you unfamiliar with Army terminology), my shirt, and a Mickey Mouse bathrobe with coffee.  It's cold in here... I guess it's time for breakfast.  Hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Love,
Nina

Master's Program and Running

I guess I have a couple of things to update my readers on today (though if you follow my Facebook you probably all ready know about these - if not, then some new news!)

First I guess I'll post on the education stand point.  I got accepted into the Master's in Health Administration program I was applying to!  I didn't THINK it would be an issue, but despite WHERE I went to school, my GPA wasn't stellar (in the middle of the class).  If I'd applied to a master's program at Harvard I doubt I would've gotten in, but this school has a pretty decent reputation around here and I've heard good things about it from other students (interns who I've worked with since I've been back stateside, actually).  And the class sizes are small, and so far my experiences with them has been good in helping me through the admissions process.  They've also shown up on a few top online school listings, though I'll get the same degree as someone who goes to face-to-face classes AND it's close enough that I'll once I can drive again (three more months... *sigh*), I'll be able to head down to the library on weekends if I need to do research and whatnot.  All in all, I'm really excited to start the program.  I'll be doing as close to full time as I can while I can.  Since I'm not exactly doing a real JOB right now, I have the time, and I'm going to take advantage of it to the best of my ability.  I'm also putting in for an internship at the clinic here on post so I can actually get some experience in the health care field.  It's too bad the military doesn't let you CHOOSE what field you want to go into as an officer, unless you're top of your class.  I did decent considering everything, but I wasn't in the top 10-20%, which is where medical service went out at (West Point's branch picking is all based on your class rank.  Top of the class gets top pick, and then from there it's basically whatever is left).  Of course, Finance isn't exactly a bad branch either, and I liked my job while I was deployed...   It's just not what I want to do for the rest of my life.  Anyway, to say the least, I am excited!  With the possibility of me having to get out of the military at some point sooner than I thought, I have to start actually thinking ahead as to what I want to do once I'm out.

Next up on the list of things to discuss is running!  Hooray!  I really do think I get way more excited over running than people who are significantly faster than I am... I know so many people who are actually fast who just don't even like running that much, it's just what they've always done, so they keep doing it.  I guess I'm decent considering I didn't run in high school and only ran a short time in college (yah for IT Band syndrome - stupid injury)... I usually place somewhere in the top three for my age group in smaller races, and even in bigger ones I do well for my age group, though I have yet to get top three overall for women :)  I think I need to stop being injured all the time so I can actually train enough to get faster.  Anyway, beyond that... I've been getting into much better shape again!  And I get really excited once I start getting in shape again!  (Hence all the exclamation points).  This evening's run was just under nine miles as this week is supposed to be a step back week, which basically just means I'm not doing a longer run and am sorta letting my body recover from the last couple of weeks of building up, though my runs have gotten faster this week, so I'm not sure if I'm "recovering" as much as doing different types of workouts (faster rather than longer).

I felt overall pretty good on today's run.  My average heart rate has been dropping for similar speeds and distances, so that is a plus.  The average for today was 159 according to my Garmin (I think it was a little faster than that, but who knows).  I was able to run the close-to-nine miles pretty easily, whereas a few weeks ago when I started building miles again, it was a struggle.  It also helped that it was cooler I guess.  Unfortunately, my right foot started giving me trouble toward the end, so I had to slow it down and walk a little more than planned in my last mile or so... I'm currently icing the area like crazy and wearing my compression socks to let them recover... Of course, I've had this injury before, and I was able to run through it without causing too many issues.  I also took along my brand new Nathan Intensity hydration vest (women's specific model).  I actually liked it quite a bit.  Once I got it all adjusted to fit me properly, it was great.  I like the pockets in the front, though I kind of wished it had a strap beyond just the waist strap, but it was designed for a shorter torso so it worked out pretty well.  Once I got it fit right, it didn't bounce around, which is a huge plus, as hydration vests/packs tend to cause a lot of issues with chafing if worn for a long period of time.  So for any of my girlfriends reading this who are looking for a good hydration pack, the Nathan Intensity is nice!  Tomorrow I think I may go for a decent-length bike ride, pending how my body is feeling (as much as cycling is okay for my feet, my IT Band doesn't like it much, so I have to be careful with it).

Alas, I should probably clean up and make some dinner :)  Good night and happy Olympics-watching too all my readers.

Nina

Getting back to marathon shape! And other random running thoughts

As I'm getting back into running regularly again in the marathon train-up, I felt the urge to share some random thoughts...

Yesterday I ran a little over twelve miles for the first time since the marathon I ran in April.  Training back up again has been a rough road.  And I certainly don't like the stage of getting back into shape after I've been out of shape.  It's slightly depressing to have twelve miles as my longest run and actually be SORE when a few months ago, twelve miles might have been a part of a step-back week.  And those twelve miles weren't particularly fast either!  Part of that was because of the type of terrain I was on.  This one was mostly trail, and the trails weren't graceful dirt paths either, they were bumpy, muddy type trails.  Perhaps that's why my legs felt it more :)  However, I WILL say that this was the first longer run where I felt good.  My legs were getting tired at the end, but it wasn't my breathing, or injury that was hard on this one.  It was normal muscle pain that people get when they run for long periods of time.

That's another difficult thing... getting back into the distance-running mindset withOUT getting hurt again.  It seems to be one extreme or the other.  Either I am too careful and make no gains because I'm afraid every little ache/pain is an oncoming injury, or I just ignore the pain until I can no longer ignore it.  I am actually still dealing with some remnants of my ITBS (Illiotibial Band Syndrome... i.e., pain the a** injury that affects the outside of my knee... it's the first real injury I'd had back my freshman year at West Point, and it's come and gone several times since then), and some tendinitis in my right foot.  The ITBS comes and goes as it pleases, and as I learned while I was at West Point, even taking months off doesn't seem to make it better, so I've learned to deal with it, and it's actually getting better.  I've been good about doing my physical therapy exercises (I wasn't so good about it the first time I got this injury because I didn't understand all of the biomechanical stuff that went along with that injury), and I take time off if it seems to be getting worse.  More than a couple of days doesn't seem to help much though...  I also got some Pennsaid from my doctor - it's a topical anti-inflammatory that is usually prescribed for Osteoarthritis of the knee, but can be used for other things too!  It seems to be working well.  Anyway, I digress.  Getting back into the distance mindset... I've found it really hard for me to want to keep going when I start getting tired.  Part of it IS me being cautious and trying to just build a base back up again (which should be mostly easy miles) and part of it is being unaccustomed to the pain that does come with distance running.  No matter how fit you are, when you push your body, it's going to hurt.  It's a good kind of hurt if it's just your muscles and maybe your breathing if your cardio system isn't in great shape yet (that's where walking a little comes in if you're really out of shape!)  Fortunately, I've been through all of this before and know that it does get better.  I like wearing my heart rate monitor and seeing how my average heart rate is dropping during my runs.  It's always a little high, but it's getting lower on my regular runs - hooray for progress! :)

This next week is going to be a step-back week for me, unless I feel really amazing next weekend, I don't plan on doing a long run.  I only did 27 miles this week (so far... I may go for a walk or bike ride later), but that's more than I've done since I did my marathon.  My cardio system is starting to respond better again, and I don't feel so out of breath anymore.  My runs are getting enjoyable again, so it's hard for me to "step back."  BUT, I have to keep reminding myself that it's always around the times I feel best that I get hurt because I tend to want to keep going.  And I DID feel some foot/knee pain yesterday.  It all went away when I was done, but it was definitely there more than some of the other days, which tells me that this next week should be a recovery week to let my muscles recover before I start building up again :)  If I wasn't so injury-prone I'd probably do more, but I'd rather be able to comfortably run this next marathon (as comfortable as a marathon is, anyways) than have to stop every half a mile to stretch out my IT Band.  I'd also like to be able to run the marathon in decent shape, not after having to stop for weeks at a time because I'm hurt.  I think I'll probably go into this one in better shape if I don't push too hard and can train consistently as opposed to pushing too hard and having to take a bunch of time off (I had to stop running for 2-3 weeks at a time twice in my last training cycle and only got in one 20 miler because of it).

Another random thought: running shoes!  I was thinking about how I used to sprain my ankles a LOT and I don't anymore.  Very very rarely do I hurt my ankles, even with trail running.  There are times that I will twist them, yes.  I did yesterday, and had to walk for a short period of time, but it wasn't a sprain, just some mild discomfort that went away.  That's normal on trails.  I think it has to do with the lower shoes that I wear now.  I realized that my shoes make a difference when I ran in more "traditional" higher-off-the-ground shoes a year or so ago and almost immediately hurt my ankle.  I tend to supinate (opposite of over-pronate), though it's funny because for years I wore shoes for over-pronation and was always hurting my ankles.  This, of course, was when someone would look at your arch height and say what type of shoes you need  based on your arch.  Of course I sprained my ankles on a regular basis - I had something on the inside of my ankles pushing my ankle out more than I all ready was naturally.  Even with completely neutral/no support shoes, all the wear on my shoes is on the outside portion near my forefoot (yay, no heel striking!)  Of course, over-supination isn't good either... I'm sure it has something to do with my constant knee issues, and that's where the physical therapy comes in to strengthen those weak muscles that aren't doing a good job controlling what my legs are doing.  I've also been working a lot on getting my "pose" technique down.  I've found I'm good at it for short distances, but once I move to longer distances, my form gets really sloppy.  I like the technique though, because it emphasizes a very quick turnover rate, and the quicker my legs turnover, the less time I spend on the ground, and the less things hurt.  That's how I overcame my tendinitis last year when I got the injury in my right foot... I focused a lot on keeping my feet off the ground, and it worked pretty well.  I do it now, too.  When I feel my tendinitis acting up, I focus on getting my feet off the ground quickly, and the pain goes away pretty quick.  It also helps with my IT band pain.  Though the ITBS is more related to motion than it is to impact (hence why I need to be careful with what types of cross training I do when I'm having an ITBS flare-up).

Anyways, another rambling post from the mind of me :)  I should probably do something productive now....

Love,
Nina

Neuropsych/running

Today I got to visit a neuropsychologist!  Incidentally, that is what I am interested in pursuing whenever I figure out what is going on in my life in the next few years.  Initially I was applying to the USUHS graduate school program for a Ph.D. in either Clinical or Medical Psychology.  As that requires serving in the military, I don't think that is going to happen (at least not right now).  However, assuming I get into this Master's in Health Administration degree program, hopefully that will be a good stepping stone (according to the psychologist, he thinks it will be).  The neuropsychologist was actually enlisted Army, then became a naval officer, and now has a successful private practice, so even if I have to wait for awhile, I still stand a chance!  He started pursuing his Ph.D. at fourty, and I'm a bit younger than that, so we will see what happens.   

Anyway, I went because of issues with memory and whatnot.  I also brought up the fact I get lost sometimes and randomly have issues figuring out where I am/what I should be doing at things like intersections (haha, bring up the lost LT jokes now!)   We did some tests for cognitive functioning, and I'll know more after the official write up (which I will get on Monday), but currently I know that he confirmed a few things:  1) I have terrible visual/spatial orientation, 2) I also have terrible verbal memory, and 3) I apparently make up words, and there is a term for it called neo-something-or-the-other,  which is very likely a function of the left temporal lobe epilepsy that the neurologist suspects (we're still trying to figure out WHERE exactly in my brain the seizures are starting, but based on what I told the neurologist, and based on what just happened at the neuropsych's office, it seems pretty likely).  The neuropsychologist explained that people who generally make up words the way I did (I wasn't even aware that I did it enough for others to notice!) have some type of misfirings happening somewhere around the left temporal lobe.  Also my awful verbal recall.  He read me a short sentence that I had to repeat back... Yeah... about that.   I guess that would explain why I was awful at learning vocabulary in Russian, and memorizing terms and dates and whatnot for tests.  Oddly enough, I did a great job with remembering shapes that I saw on a piece of paper (visual memory is good... verbal memory is bad.  AKA, I can read and write, but I really suck at listening/remembering what I hear.)   Anyway, I find it all quite interesting, hence the reason I would love to get into something along these lines in the future.  Maybe long term future until I know what is going to happen in the next few years, but still the future.  Since the neuropsych knew I wanted to get into that field, he was educating me in the process.  Awesome!  He also said he'd make the write-up educational as well and told me I could ask any questions.  Maybe I can do my health administrative internship over there... That'd be pretty sweet.  Too bad I'd need to drive to get over there and that is still a no-go in my world :(  

Some of you may have been really bored by that write up, but again, this is really interesting to me, so actually getting to sit down and talk to him was interesting.  Plus, it's easier to learn stuff when you're experiencing it yourself.  Somehow, things are much more interesting when they pertain to ourselves I think :)  

On another note... My running is getting better again.  I still have a hard time breathing at the beginning of my runs, and don't feel amazing, but I'm getting it back.  Slowly but surely.  I'm trying really hard not to over-do it, as I am still struggling a bit with my IT band syndrome and my tendinitis in my right foot.  I've been able to resume the use of my Flector patches (voltaren gel in a patch form) because my skin is no longer as itchy and irritable.  At least, for the time being.  They help a LOT, but I'm afraid I'm not able to leave them on long enough for them to have a big effect because my skin goes into irritated, angry, inflamed mode.  I'm also nervous to start another seizure med (the one the neurologist spoke of) because of the rashes you can get.  I all ready have sensitive skin, so I'm not particularly excited.  Oh well, I'll figure it all out in time I guess.  It's better than being in a total brain fog.  

Alas, I suppose I will do something productive with my time now... 

Love,

Nina

Update on Life and Prayers Please! Family, epilepsy, etc.

I suppose I have not written in some time, and there may be people who I don't talk to on a regular basis who might be curious as to what is going on (or maybe you're just bored and thought you would check out my blog - that works for me too).  Warning: the post might be somewhat depressing at points, but I'll try to add in some light topics too :)

First, something really important to me.  Please keep my mom in your prayers.  She has been dealing with lung problems for quite some time.  She used to smoke, though smoking isn't what caused these issues - just exasperated them (remember they didn't know as much about how terrible smoking was back thirty years ago like they do now).  She has been quit for quite some time, but there were other underlying issues that she didn't know about until later.  She has something called pseudomonas, and it's a type of bacteria that has infected her lungs.  She gets sick with pneumonia frequently and has been in the hospital countless times to receive intensive care to bring her infections under control.  When I was home a couple of weeks ago she could hardly walk for longer than 5 minutes without having to stop because she was out of breath.  She was scared she would have to be admitted again, and she did go to the doctor, and she was admitted, and was taking vacation time for a week to get better.  It didn't get better the way it should have, so she went back to the hospital shortly after, and they admitted her again.  Now they said she needs to get a lung transplant because it's progressing quickly, and they need to do it before her condition gets worse.  The average life expectancy after a lung transplant is five years, though that's only AVERAGE - there ARE plenty of people who live much longer than that.  She is still fairly young - only 50, and once the lung issue is taken care of, she will be much better off.  PLEASE keep her in your prayers that a) she can get a transplant/funding for the transplant quickly (these things aren't cheap), and b) that her body takes the transplant well.

Second, I am training for marathon number two!  The Philadelphia marathon in November.  I am doing it for charity - the Epilepsy Therapy Project.  I've been posting all over Facebook about this, but I think most people tend to ignore those types of posts (plus I'm aware it's still a decent time away), SO, if you want to donate - even just a little - my goal is 1,000 dollars.  I'm partially there (about 15%), but not as far as I'd like to be!  If I had known about the transplant before I committed to running for this charity, I probably would have chosen to run for that.  But, I didn't know until a couple of days ago, and have all ready committed to this :)  Don't be surprised to see me posting about that as well though...  IF you would like to donate, please click on the link below:

https://epilepsytherapyproject.myetap.org/fundraiser/2012PHLMarathon/individual.do?participationRef=3917.0.286558349

So why would you want to donate to this cause?  And why would I choose to do this?  Well, epilepsy awareness for one thing.  I have learned SO much that I didn't know about prior to my diagnosis and doing research.  Most people think epilepsy is some type of weird disease where people randomly collapse and start shaking.  But there's much more to it than that.  Did you know that there is something called SUDEP - Sudden Death in Epilepsy.  Yeah, neither did I, and it scared me enough to make sure I take my medications, regardless of the side effects (which suck).  Nobody even told me about it after my first seizure because they thought it was induced by pills.  I was just kind of blown off.  That's why it's important for people to have epilepsy under control.  If you want to learn more about it the link below is actually from the organization I'm doing the marathon for:

http://www.epilepsy.com/EPILEPSY/sudep_epilepsy

It's also a progressive condition, something else I didn't know.  It explains why when I had my very first seizure a couple of years ago I hardly ever had auras (weird feelings/sensations/etc.) that I had prior to my first Tonic-Clonic seizure, and then in the past year or so they've gotten more and more frequent.  Auras are actually partial seizures (meaning, they only take place in one part of the brain), and those partial seizures affect things like memory/speech/etc.  So for those of you whose names I can't remember, well, now I have an excuse :)   I have mostly partial seizures that sometimes generalize (affect the entire brain).  Generalized seizures are what most people think of when they think of seizures.  You lose consciousness, might fall to the ground, get stiff, shake, etc. etc.  For more information on the TYPES of seizures, click here:

http://www.epilepsy.com/EPILEPSY/Types_seizures

That website is a GREAT resource for anyone who has family members dealing with epilepsy, or people who are just curious.  Now, here's what these charity organizations help to do.  They help fund research into epilepsy to develop different types of treatment and raise awareness.  Let me tell you, the side effects suck.  I'm only on one medication right now called Keppra.  It's sometimes used in the treatment of bipolar disorder as well, which is kind of interesting because it can have the opposite affect on mood control on quite a few people.  Keppra is good in a few ways: it doesn't put you in the same type of brain fog that some of the others do, and if you're a woman who wants to get pregnant, it's one of the better ones that won't really affect the baby.  However, the moods.  Oh, the moods.  Some of you who are my Facebook friends will remember that when all this happened I was posting some depressing statuses on Facebook.  Part of it was situational.  Part of it was because of the medication.  Keppra can make someone cry at the drop of a hat, or might make someone get angry quickly.

 Fortunately, I've sort of adjusted to the medication, so it isn't so bad anymore.  But now they want to put me on another one because my partial seizures aren't completely under control.  No, I haven't lost consciousness and started shaking on the ground anytime since April, but I still get those auras I was talking about.  As my neurologist explained, once we get rid of the partial seizures, they won't have a chance to generalize.  I don't mind the partial seizures.  They actually feel kind of cool sometimes (like being in a dream), but knowing that they can lead to other problems, I need them to be under control.  While I don't mind the partial seizures, I really don't like not being able to drive for six months.  This other medication they want to put me on has other side effects (though more mild than some of the others).  Rashes, for one... Sometimes these rashes can be fatal. That freaks me out.  There are other medications that cause huge amounts of weight gain (Depakote), and cause issues with thinking.  An example of that is Topomax, which some people call "dopemax" because people feel like they're on dope.  That one makes people lose a ton of weight and all they want to do is sleep.  If you meet someone with epilepsy who seems like they aren't that smart, a lot of it probably has to do with the medication that they are taking.  Just keep that in mind!

The good news is that sometimes these medications can reverse the damage that epilepsy does to the brain.  Without the research they've done, people wouldn't know this.  Hell, I wish my first doctors would have done this research and kept me on medication for longer than two months, because I don't think I'd be having these issues now if they had (keep in mind, medication controls seizures, so it helps prevent the condition from progressing - at least most of the time).  My current neurologist really didn't understand why they took me off in the first place - his words were "I really don't understand what their thought process was."  And the one who I saw in Virginia told me those pills wouldn't have caused seizures unless there was an underlying problem.

Anyways, if you have read this far - congratulations :)  I wouldn't have expected you to do that unless you're interested in this topic.

Beyond the topic of the health implications of epilepsy... Right now, I've just been dealing with tests/etc. I have an MRI for next week to look at my brain (sometimes epilepsy can be caused by things like tumors), and lots of other fun stuff :)  I'm also applying to graduate school.  I feel as if my dreams to pursue my Ph.D. in psychology are going to be kept on hold, BUT, I'm still applying for my Master's in Health Administration at a local college (Utica College - an off-shoot of Syracuse University).  I'll be doing online courses, but I'm close enough that if I wanted to head down there and use the library, I could do that.  Of course, I need to be able to drive to do that, but HOPEFULLY by the end of October I will be able to drive again.  I THOUGHT I'd be able to drive by the end of THIS month, because Oregon state law (where I have my driver's license) is three months, but my neurologist said because New York law is six months, I have to wait.  So disappointing.  Oh well.  The positive to my current situation is that I'm not really working.  That actually sucks, but I'll be able to do full-time school work for at least a couple more months while I sit in waiting.  I'll also be able to do internships.  If I want to get into the health care field, I can walk across the street to the clinic and help out over there (according to one of the civilians here helping with transitioning soldiers).  I want to volunteer as well, but again, transportation might be an issue there, unless I can find someone else who wants to volunteer with me :)

So, this is life for me right now.  I know that was a long entry - lots going on right now!  Now  I need to do my long run for the week if I'm going to get back into marathon shape ;)  It will only be ten miles, but it's been since April at my first marathon since I've run that far!

Love,
Nina

The Internet and Information (Is it making us dumber? Smarter? No difference at all?)

This is something I was just thinking about... based on another thought I had (go figure, right?)  I was reading an article, and some of the comments said something along the lines of "This should have been proof-read before being published."  That lead me to start thinking about the internet in general.  The first thing that popped into my head was along the lines of "Anyone can post anything now, and anyone will believe it.  The internet just propogates un-informed ideas."  I mean, if you think about it, it's sort of true.  Look at my blog, for example... It's all opinions, and not a whole lot of research.  If someone wasn't thinking, they could look at some of what I say and say "Oh, well, Nina said it, so it must be true!"  Actually, as a side note, that would be really flattering, but probably not always the wisest idea.  Anyways, back on topic.  In the past, there would only be a few ways that people would be able to read my blog entries:

1)  Published in a newspaper/magazine - where someone most likely looked over the articles and ensured that grammer/etc. was correct.

2)  I wrote and gave copies of my posts to my friends.  In that case, I would probably only have 10-15 people reading what I wrote (I think I would be too lazy to distribute more)

3) I wrote a book with all of my thoughts/ideas and published it (again, I would hope that would have been proof read). 

These days, however, all I have to do is write up a quick blog, post it onto my Facebook, and BAM - depending on how interesting my blog entry title subject is - there are 100 reads right within a couple of hours!  If you were to go back to the ninetees, when I was a teenager,  it would have been much harder for that many people to read my writing.

So my point is that it is much easier to get access to information now, and it's much easier to put information which may or may not be correct. Duh, right?  Well, here's where my thought process went.  The first thought I had earlier was that the internet is probably just mis-informing people, and people are getting dumber because they have all of this incorrect information, and nobody has to proof-read anything anymore, etc. etc.  I actually feel kind of old for thinking that at all... People who were born ten years after me ALL had computers in their early teenage years (that most likely didn't include a dial-up tone or very fast-loading pages!) 

Then I got to thinking a little deeper...  The internet, despite some people's opinions, and many comments I read on articles/etc., does not make people dumber.  It might make people lazier in a way... But if you are actually thinking about what you are doing and reading, you won't be misinformed.  Actually, in a way, it teaches you to think critically because you have such an abundance of information thrown at you.  I know in college Wikipedia was an incredibly popular source of information, but the professors were  constantly touting "It is NOT a valid resource!"  And they were correct; however, anyone with any type of education could tell you that.  They could ALSO tell you that if you're smart about it, you can use the resources from Wikipedia to find out more information from reliable sources on a given topic.  Having the vast amounts of information available on the internet can be both positive and negative.  If you aren't smart about it, you might believe anything you read.  But, if you are smart about it, you can learn quite a bit about tons of topics, and then sort through that on what you want to believe.  You just have to learn what the term "reliable sources" really means..   In the past, you might only be able to find a couple of books on a topic, and if it was published, well, it HAD to be correct, right? Well, yeah, that's true if you only have access to a couple of books in a library on a particular topic.  What else CAN you believe?

 But now us mere citizens with Bachelor's degrees (or high school degrees, or any type of education that teaches them to read) can actually access information from medical journals and studies and all sorts of information that you would NOT have had access to in the past.  If you can distinguish between good and bad information, you can actually make some decisions for yourself.  I just thought of a conversation I had with one of my best friends in medical school right now who said that the patient-doctor relationship is changing.  Instead of the doctor just telling the patient what to do, the patient can have a role in treatment.  In the past, that would have been MUCH more difficult.  Other than the patient telling the doctor how they were feeling, they probably couldn't do very much in the way of "interacting."  What choice did they have than to listen to the doctor?   An example is after my last seizure when the neurologist asked me about symptoms and I said something about an aura without even thinking about it.  She says "How do you know what an aura is?"  Um... because I researched the weird deja vu/dizziness/sometimes nauseous feelings I was getting, and found it exactly matched the description of an aura. Or when my primary care manager wanted me to switch medication to another type, I was able to access databases and learned there were several other medications I could use with less side effects (I didn't switch - I'd rather wait until I see an actual neurologist for that one - too much at stake there).  Now, that's not to say that the internet can take the place of a professional in areas that require a lot of study (medical, law, etc.), but it can help keep a regular citizen informed of things they might not otherwise understand very well. 

So to conclude this entry.  No, the internet does not make people dumber.  In reality, it helps people to learn more information and think more critically about the information they are being fed - as you ARE much more likely to come across faulty information on the internet than you would be if you only read published books and articles. I could say it makes people lazy when it comes to writing, but even that isn't necessarily true.  Yes, my blog entry is full of grammer mistakes, but guess what?  It's not published, so it doesn't matter.  My own handwritten journal entries I've been keeping since I was 11 years old are also full of grammatical errors, and writing those didn't make me lazy either.  Being lazy when it counts is what makes you lazy.   I will say, however, that it drives me INSANE when people type like 5 year old children just learning how to read and write, with zero punctuation whatsoever (if your punctuation makes it hard to understand what you are trying to say, you probably should fix it). 

Hope some of you found that a little interesting.  If not, well, it's my blog :-p  !  Hehe.

Nina

Losing weight - the heathy and easy way!

I'm sure I have posted something about this before... because I do have a tendency to repeat myself at times, but here goes.  This was initially going to be a rant, but then I decided that I might actually give some advice that has worked for me in the past couple of years  (After writing this, I realized that I was recently reading another blog entry called "the anti-diet" that has a lot of the same principles if you want to check it out: http://www.thelondoner.me/2012/01/anti-diet.html))

One of my pet peeves is when people assume that I'm thin because I either have a fast metabolism or I starve myself.  OR, it's ONLY because I "run so much" (in reality, I don't run THAT much, and I tend to lose weight when I'm running less), so I'm going to write down what it is that I've done.  First, I do not just have a fast metabolism.  I have been slightly chubby.  I've never been obese, but at not even 5'1" and 126 pounds, there was a time people couldn't look at me and say I wasn't eating enough (I still don't think somebody could look at me and say that, but I guess I look smaller in some of my uniforms, but anyways...).  At this point, I'm about 5'1" and 110 pounds.  Not a huge difference, but when you are so short, that's a pretty big difference.  So here's what I ACTUALLY do as a real, mostly-healthy (in regards to eating anyway) woman.  If you talk to most "naturally thin" women, this is similar to how they eat as well... Most of them DON'T starve themselves, and most of them aren't out exercising for hours every day.

1) First IMPORTANT - very very important point is PORTION SIZE.  I DO tend to eat what I want, which is why some people assume I must just have a fast metabolism.   The trick, however, is a) I don't do it ALL the time, and b) I limit portions.  Portions are REALLY important, as you CAN eat what you want and stay thin if you limit how much of what you eat.  Example:  I eat a lot of ice cream.  However, it's in small portions.  In my freezer I have several types of ice cream, and I eat them after both lunch AND dinner some days, but the trick is that the portions are SMALL.  I have MINI snickers bars (90 calories each) and MINI drumsticks (120 calories each).  Even if I eat a mini snickers and a mini drumstick in one day, that's still only 210 calories.  That's less than most people drink in their coffee drinks.  Which brings me to point number two.

2)  I RARELY drink anything with calories in it... It's just not satisfying.  It helps that I just don't even like soda.  But to me, the 110 or so calories (or more, depending on the size of the glass) in the glass of orange juice in the morning just isn't worth it.  I'd rather eat the real orange PLUS a slice of toast for the same amount of calories and feel WAY more satisfied.   As for coffee drinks, I do like them sometimes, but I still limit them.  Again, empty calories!  If I DO drink a latte, I count it as a snack, since it does have some nutritional value with milk/etc. But it's not ON TOP of a snack.  I also don't drink gatorade/sports drinks - even as a runner, they seem unnecessary to me.  Now, if I've just done a long run, I will probably drink a recovery drink afterward, but that's not a regular occurrence - it's if I feel like my body actually NEEDS those extra calories.  The one thing I will drink fairly regularly (still not all that often) is V8 type drinks as snacks, and sometimes I'll have an acai berry drink, but this is only occasionally, and only if I've been running more frequently.  Which brings me to point 3 - exercise!

3)  All right, so I do exercise more often than your average person, though not as much as some people who really can just eat whatever they want and run it off.  But you will notice that I said above that I tend to lose weight when I'm not running as much.  It's true, and I'll tell you why (besides blood volume and all that other fun exercise physiology stuff).  When I'm running more, I HAVE to eat more.  It's not a matter of "YAY, I'm running, I can eat WHATEVER I WANT!"  It's more like.... "Yay, I'm running!  I need to MAKE SURE I eat something before I do my long run (this is me, I know a lot of people who are okay running without eating), and I need to make sure I eat something aftewards to recover, and make sure my dinner is big enough to be sufficient for tomorrow" and so on so forth... you get the point.  Calories in, calories out.  I actually have to make sure I eat more when I'm running more, so I don't really lose much in the way of weight unless I'm trying, and it's HARD because I'm hungry constantly if I'm trying.  But that's just running... I was talking to a friend who noticed that the healthiest looking people tend to be people who do yoga, and I think there's a reason for that.  There's a lifestyle around exercise as opposed to just burning calories that tends to bring about overall healthier eating habits, which in turn, brings about healthier weight.

There is also, however, the calorie-burning component of exercise.  I've recently taken up actually walking for exercise.  It does not burn as many calories as running, and takes way longer, but it's easy to do anytime of day, AND because it burns less calories, you tend to be less hungry than after a run, so it's easier to control food intake (which is way more important than anything else when it comes to losing weight).  I noticed in Afghanistan that I lost a couple of pounds, which I'm sure had SOMETHING to do with my lack of alcohol consumption, but also had something to do with the fact I made it a point to walk everywhere (I wasn't running much because I hurt my knee).   Of course, I am totally a fan of running, and I also think weight-lifting is great, as it gives you definition so when you DO lose the weight, you don't just look like a stick figure, but you actually look GOOD in that bikini instead of "skinny fat."

4)  BALANCE is KEY.  I know this blog entry kind of makes it sound like I do eat what I want, when I want.... And while that's true, it's not 100% true.  I still have to pay attention to what I'm eating, because as my relatives can attest to (this was back when I was YOUNG, and DID have a crazy fast metabolism), I can eat a LOT of food.  Like, an entire pizza, followed by dessert.  This was when I weighed like 80 pounds.  If I did that whenever I wanted NOW, I would probably be pretty large.  So if I DO eat a really unhealthy meal, the next day, I will probably make it a point to eat healthier.  Not starving myself... I USED to do that, back when I was ten pounds heavier.  And then I would get really hungry and end up over-eating that night.  My mom actually visited me in New York before I headed to Afghanistan, and she noted that the way I ate for the most part was pretty healthy - and yummy!  Sauteed veggies with chicken sausage and rice, all nice and seasoned up...  Cooking with cooking spray instead of oil or butter when I could helped a lot...  It all took maybe 5-10 minutes to prepare, but it was filling and tasted great.  Knowing that I eat like that most of the time helps me to not feel SO guilty when I go out to eat a giant bowl of pasta and wine and follow it with dessert :)

5) Eat food with SUSTENANCE.  This point slightly contradicts point number one, as point number one states that you can eat whatever you want if you monitor your portions, and that is totally true.  However, there are certain things that you can't just eat a few of and be satisfied.  There are also certain things I won't keep around the house, because if I do, I will eat way too much.  An example is chips... I was reading in some health article somewhere that chips (and similar foods) are the number one common eating habit of obese people.  Not ice cream or fast food or eating out... chips.  I can tell you why: because when someone opens up a bag of chips, it's REALLY hard to stop eating them, and you aren't really getting any nutritional out of them, so you still need to eat MORE to feel like you've actually had a meal.  And the more often you eat them, the more often you crave them, and it becomes not just a "one time" thing, but an all-the-time thing.  One serving of Doritos is like 140 calories... not that many calories in reality.  But how many chips is that?  What, around 8-10?  That's hardly ANYTHING - of course you will want more!  It goes back to substance...  Do you want 10 Doritos, or do you want a mini-bagel with a little bit of cream cheese?  Because a mini bagel is about 100 calories, and if you are careful with your serving of cream cheese, it won't be 200 calories of cream cheese on that bagel, and not only that, but you'll be satisfied and not feel the need to eat a lot more.  Or another example is cheese... Sometimes, I'll feel like a snack at night (I TRY not to eat late, but sometimes if I've been particularly active that day, it just happens, and I don't feel guilty), I'll try to figure out... okay, what can I eat that will take away this nagging hungry feeling without adding tons of calories?  I COULD grab a handful of crackers and want more and more... OR, I could slice up some cheese with a few crackers.  Guess what, after that cheese, I don't feel like I need to eat more.  Sure, cheese is really fattening if you get the good stuff (that I like), but because it's so rich, I don't need to eat a ton of it to feel satisfied.

In conclusion, if you want to look like a super model, this probably won't work for you and you will likely still have some fat on your body, but that's okay, because human beings have fat on their body. Especially women... we weren't designed to be sticks, we were designed to have babies, which means we're going to hips/thighs/breasts/etc. (not to say that if you're naturally thin there's something wrong with you.)  If, however, you just want to lose some weight without feeling like you're completely missing out on all of your favorite foods, or if you are tired of trying to do everything "perfect," losing a few pounds quickly, then gaining it back, then go ahead and try out some of these principles.   Of course, I'm not a nutritionist nor weight loss expert, I'm just posting what has worked for me to stay at a healthy weight after several years of making the same mistakes that most people make when trying to lose weight.

Feel to leave comments if you have any questions!

A couple of other things I thought of after writing my initial post (and talking to my mum):

 - When you DO start cutting out certain foods (which I have) you start to realize you don't like them as much.  Fast food is an example (as the blog I posted above stated) - once you just stop eating it, you stop wanting it.  You feel better when you don't eat them, and they just don't taste as good anymore.