Monday, February 28, 2011

Sometimes I wonder

...if the Army is the right career for me.  Of all of my friends, I am most definitely the least "hooah" as we put it.  As in, I am the least gung ho about things such as going to Army schools.  Sure, I love a good challenge.  I mean... running is probably my favorite thing to do and people consistently tell me some variation of "you're nuts" when I tell them that running up a mountain or for hours on end is fun for me.  Hiking up a mountain in the snow is fun for me.  So it's not that I'm afraid of a challenge, it's more the environment surrounding the challenges.  The closer we get to graduation, the more everyone around us talks about being an officer.  The lives I may be responsible for - even in the field I'm going into, you just never know.  And then there's the fact that when I'm seriously lacking sleep I cease functioning properly.  I guess it is human nature to start acting and thinking differently when they are stressed and their entire lives are off-kilter, but I have been in situations much less stressful than deployments and have questioned my decision-making abilities when I'm under constant stress and a lack of sleep.  I remember the days of working 12 + hours a day without a day off for at least a month.  It became hard for me to function and keep my cool... and that was much less work than a deployment.  There was nobody shooting at me or mortars hitting the buildings around me.  Granted, I've matured quite a bit since I was 19 or 20 years old, but I still find myself losing my cool when I don't have my alone time every so often.  The summer was terrible after three weeks of little to no sleep followed by six more weeks of no real days off and little sleep.  This concerns me in my given field I'm about to go into. 

Plus, well... the constant competitiveness, the attitudes that you have to be tough all the time.  Of course, as you my reader may have noticed from my last entry, I tend to over-think, so sometimes I worry a little more than necessary.  Example being during our field training this past summer... I was so afraid I was going to fail because of the aforementioned aspects of my personality, and the fact that I am just not the best at tactical tasks... Well, I actually did pretty well (I think).  My graders told me I performed better under stress... Who knew?  And I guess the fact that I care about the people around me helps. 

Anyways, enough on that topic.  Onto one of my favorite topics:  RUNNING! :-)  I think my tendinitis is mostly gone!  I ran about 11 miles last night with pretty much no pain.  And my calves seem to have adjusted to this new method of running (I've recently adopted the Pose method).  The pose method uses your calves a LOT, you don't heel strike, and you also have a very quick turnover.  This is how I USED to run before people told me to lengthen my stride and run heel-to-toe (people used to comment that I ran up on my toes too much, but I never got injured).  It's different than most people have learned, but it's supposedly better for injuries AND it makes me run a whole lot faster :)  Either that or I've just gotten more fit... But my average pace for my runs have decreased from around a 9:35 minute average pace to a 9 minute per mile average pace.  That's with me slowing myself down... So, I think I'm finally about back to where I used to be before I ever got my knee injuries my freshman year.  3.5 years later... goodness. 

I'm in a thoughtful mood so I could blog for awhile, but for now I will work on my emotion detection training.  I suppose it fits with the mood I'm in.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

100 nights... minus some.

Well, it's almost here.  100th night that is.  It's unbelievable how quickly these past few years have passed.  I still think about when I first got to this place, and I remember seeing the seniors and thinking "they made it this far, so can I."  Well, that helped me get through quite a few challenges at this place.  Freshman year was a bad year for me.  I came here older than everyone else and felt so out of place while everyone else was still talking about high school, and I had had a life that was completely different from the one here.  Well, I finally adjusted to this world, and I'm glad I've stayed because I've made some amazing friends and don't doubt that I've grown as a result of being here. Even though sometimes it's questionable... But that's another blog in itself.  

Anyways, We actually have less than 100 days until graduation (we count the days until graduation here), but 100th night is a celebration of 100 days until graduation.  We have a fancy banquet and everyone brings dates up from wherever, usually spending around a grand on paying for flights and fancy hotels and shows in the city.

Along with the short time until graduation comes all of the questions: will I do a good job outside of this place?  Will I be able to lead soldiers without getting anyone killed?  My job will be a desk job, but you just never know what type of job you might actually have to do... It changes depending on the needs of the unit.  I was all ready enlisted before I came here, but I know it's totally different on the other side of the house... Just doing my job well was enough to get me a lot of recognition.  Just by not blowing things off and actually working to be good at my job people thought I was good.  As an officer, well... that's kind of expected.  I suppose the fact that I do care will help.  I also think that people that come out of here think a lot more about their future time than people who graduate from other sources... I say this because we spend four years talking about being LTs, in every single class we take... I know in my major, everything we talk about applies to our future jobs.  I'm a psychology major, so it makes a lot of sense that we would spend a lot of time talking about leading people, but nonetheless...

Alas, that is all I have to say about that topic for now.  I'm sure I'll blog later about something more interesting.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Since everyone else uses Blogspot...

Or at least two of my closest friends here at West Point... as well as most running blogs.  This is just easier. 

So this will be my first REAL blog on this site then.  Anyways.  It's almost three a.m.  I've been working on the same two page assignment for hours and just can't seem to focus enough to get anything done.  I think I've turned slightly into a perfectionist in my work.  I have a hard time turning in crap at this point... Which is likely why my GPA went up from a 2.87 to a 3.2 last semester.  That's a pretty big jump considering I don't think I got any smarter.  And I definitely spent more time out than I did doing work.   Honestly though, couldn't this have happened BEFORE my class rank was locked in?  Then maybe I'd be going to Lewis instead of Drum.  But it's okay.  I'm sure I'll enjoy being near Canada and the Adironacks.  Really, those are the reasons I chose Drum over Korea or Bragg.  Though when the cold was hitting my face this morning while I had to walk back from an appointment I had I was wondering what I was thinking choosing Drum... I'm sure I'll appreciate it in the summer, or when I'm out skiing, or taking random pictures of snowy days. 

Anyways, I don't know how I'm making any sense at all at that point. Or maybe I'm not and tomorrow I will read this and end up wondering if I was drunk when I wrote it (except I'm not because I haven't drank anything tonight).  I don' tknow how I'm awake.  Listening to one of my new favorite bands, or rather CD, because it's a mix of three bands... it's called Lost Wisdom, and it is a mix of  Mount Eerie, Julie Doiron, and Fred Squire.  It's very soothing, if not a little depressing, and the harmonies are great. It just seems so befitting for being awake at such a late hour. It just seems to facilitate thoughts (unless those thoughts are related to tactical decisions.  Then it kind of kills them.) I'm going to finish this paper now.  That my instructor said would only take 60-90 minutes.  I wish.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I actually all ready have a blog

And I'm not sure I want to create a brand new one to start posting... I created this one so I could easily follow other blogs.  I may end up blogging here instead though if I like the features more!  For now, if you would like to read my other blog go to:

My Xanga.